Thursday, June 08, 2006

I have no skills!

No joke. I have no talents to speak of.

This may come out of left field for a lot of people. But I was chillin' out on saturday night with some folks listening to this guy jam out on the guitar. He was three sheets to the wind and he could still belt it out pretty good. As I sat there I got to thinkin', dude, that guy could get any girl just by playing the guitar like that, turning to her, giving her a little wink and saying "come here baby." The fact that he had a female wrapped around his body as he was playing only confirmed my hypothesis. Damn that guy was good.

I'm definitely not a hater. If a guy isn't going for my girl and I see that he knows what he's doing around the ladies, I can acknowledge that. If a kid's got it, a kid's got it. I don't hate, I appreciate.

So I was sitting here watching this guy play, and I was thinking to myself. "I wish I could do that." Because in the world of Talents That Will Make You Popular With the Ladytypes, I have none. I have no musical talent to speak of, and that just happens to be the best talent to have when it comes to impressing ladies. A little over a year ago I bought a ukulele because they're easy to play and if a guitar can get you 100 girls, a uke should be good for at least 20. I goofed around with it a lot and my buddy Chase (mad skills, that guy makes playing the accordion look sexy) taught me a song. It took me a while but then I got it down, but then my uke went out of tune, so no matter if I played it right or not it always sounded like crap, so it's more of a decoration now. It actually ended up getting me one girl, but let's no talk about that.

Some guys can beat box, some guys can dance. Other guys know all the right words when talking to a girl. I don't have any of that. Some guys that don't have any skills like that are gifted in area's of activity reserved for the bedroom. I don't know if I'm in that group yet, either. Contrary to popular belief, my buddies and I don't get together and compare the size of our... wristwatches. So I have no idea on that one. And apparently it's not the size of the hour-hand on the watch that matters, but rather the... motion of the second hand. (I'm pretty sure that innuendo just fell flat on it's face)

This isn't to say I have no skills to speak of, I'm not completely hopeless and inept. I can write, but you can't really impress a girl by sitting in front of a computer for hours on end typing a short story. Plus I wont bastardize myself enough to write poetry. Don't get me wrong, I like good poetry, but I'm really bad at writing good poetry, and there is plenty of bad poetry in the world, and I have decided that I wont add to it. It's not that I don't like a certain girl enough to write her a poem, it's that I like her enough to not write her a bad poem, which is the only kind of poem I know how to write. So every girl in the world that has not recieved a poem from me should consider themselves complimented.

I can also cook. I make a mean chili, and I'm a champion of breakfast foods, chicken, and pasta. I can cook most anything that isn't candy, so I guess that's something of a talent, although I'd trade my cooking ability for a nicer car and the ability to play the guitar.

I can also give pretty good back rubs, but usually a girl would have to already like somebody before they'd go for that. It's not really a way to get a girl, but rather a way to keep one.

Since I don't have any of these Talents That Will Make You Popular With the Ladytypes. I tend to pay a lot more attention to the little things. Such as treating a girl right. Opening doors, walking her to the door or to her car, making sure that she is enjoying herself telling her when she looks good, and listening to her when she needs somebody to listen to her, also I like to let a girl know I like her for who she is, not just because she looks good in a skirt or something. Hehe, this is all starting to sound kinda sappy, so I'll stop it there. I don't really have any playa skeelz, but that's because I'm not a playa.

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