It's Friday. Deadline day. I spend all week preparing for deadline day, and this day was actually pretty good to start. Having worked with newspapers before I get a happy feeling on deadline days when everything just falls into place.
Then Ann called
Me: Fuquay Independent, this is Jason, How can I help you?
Ann: Hi, my name is Ann Psychobitch, and I'd like to renew a classified I've been running.
Me: Which ad have you been running?
Ann: It's an ad for Firewood For Sale, the phone number on the ad is 919-IMA-WENCH
Me: Okay, looks like your ad expired on the 10th, how long would you like to renew it for?
Ann: Four weeks
Me: Alright, that's $20 for the first week and $18 for each additional week, so that'll be a total of $74.
Ann: Wow... that's just ridiculous, why did you raise the prices so much!?!
(Me on the inside: Are you kidding me Smalls? These ads have a circulation of almost 30,000 homes. People are always telling me about how cheap our ad space is!)
Me: We raised our rates one dollar per week at the beginning of the year.
Ann: I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU GUYS ARE CHARGING SO MUCH! I ADVERTISE WITH THE TRIANGLE SHOPPER AND THEY'RE ONLY CHARGING ME $55.20 FOR A MONTH!
(Me on the inside: And I'm supposed to care because...?)
Me (for reals): Really?
Ann: Yeah! Anyway, can you just charge my credit card?
Me: Sure, do you mind giving me the information over the phone?
Ann: WHAT!?! I GAVE YOU GUYS THAT INFORMATION WAY BACK WHEN I FIRST TOOK THE AD OUT IN OCTOBER!
Me: Well, for our customers protection we destroy any records of credit card information after we process your payment.
Ann: JESUS CHRIST! I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS!
(I'm seriously considering placing an ad in the paper with all of her credit card information in it)
Me: ...
Ann: FINE! the number is 1234-5678-1234-5678
Me: And the expiration date?
Ann: WHAT THE HELL!?! HOW MUCH INFORMATION DO YOU NEED!?!
(I'm literally flipping the bird at the phone)
Me: The more information we have when we process your card the lower your service charge.
Ann: FINE! it's 03/09
Me: And the card verification number on the back?
Ann: JESUS CHRIST! 444
(Jesus loves you Ann!... I think)
Me: And a phone number to reach you?
Ann: THE ONE ON THE AD! You know what, I'm going to call my husband and tell him about this, I'm not sure I want my ad.
(I'm already pulling out my garbage can to throw the ad form away)
Me: Would you like me to hold off on this until you get the okay from him then?
Ann: NO! HOW ABOUT YOU RUN IT AND IF I CALL BACK AND SAY TO CANCEL IT THEN CANCEL IT! THAT WOULD MAKE SENSE!
(If it were possible to slap people through the phone your face would be red right now)
Me: Okay fine, I'll get this in there for you then.
Ann: (click)
(Damn it! I wanted to hang up on her!)
I was half tempted to call her back and hang up on her once she picked up. I needed a good fifteen minute coffee break to recover from that one. I want her to call back, I'm not going to be as nice to her next time.
Friday, January 12, 2007
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
They call me the Dude
If you're trying to get my attention I answer to three names. You can call me Kubota, sometimes Bobby, or Jason, or you can call out "Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude!"
At least that's what my three-year-old nephew calls me. When he comes over to visit on Sundays I know when he's there when he pounds on my door and hollers "Dude! Come play!" or "Dude! What are you doing in there!?!"
The name has been following me around for maybe two years now, and it got started completely by accident. Schyler (my nephew) was starting to learn his first words with mama and dada and all that jazz and everybody in my family was trying to teach him how to say their name. I'm a bit of an idealist, and I thought doing that was a tad bit conceited, so I decided instead to sit him down and teach him his first word that he could actually use. So I sat down with him and a couple matchbox cars (his favorite toy) and got started.
"Dude"
It didn't really register to him at first, but we worked on it for a couple weekends and he started saying it on his own. Then one day we were sitting at the dinner table and we were trying to get him to say all of our names: Mom, dad, then he stumbled through Sharlee and Chris, then Momo and Popo (which means grandma and grandpa when you're not even two) and then his mom pointed at me.
"DUDE!"
"No," I say to him, pointing to myself, "I'm Uncle Jason."
He shakes his head at me, "Dude!"
And thus I have been known as Dude ever since. I didn't mean for him to associate the word with me when I first taught it to him, but it stuck, and now I'm Uncle Dude, and it isn't likely to change. When he would visit my parents and I was away at school he would open the door to the basement and yell "Dude!" to see if I was there.
It's not going to go away, either. Now everybody in the family refers to me as Uncle Dude around my nephews, so it's likely to carry on through all of my future nieces and nephews. Schyler has just recently figured out that I have a different name when somebody asked him "Who's Jason?" and he answered correctly for the first time "Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuude!"
I guess being called Uncle Dude is far better than Uncle Lazy Bastard. So I wont complain.
At least that's what my three-year-old nephew calls me. When he comes over to visit on Sundays I know when he's there when he pounds on my door and hollers "Dude! Come play!" or "Dude! What are you doing in there!?!"
The name has been following me around for maybe two years now, and it got started completely by accident. Schyler (my nephew) was starting to learn his first words with mama and dada and all that jazz and everybody in my family was trying to teach him how to say their name. I'm a bit of an idealist, and I thought doing that was a tad bit conceited, so I decided instead to sit him down and teach him his first word that he could actually use. So I sat down with him and a couple matchbox cars (his favorite toy) and got started.
"Dude"
It didn't really register to him at first, but we worked on it for a couple weekends and he started saying it on his own. Then one day we were sitting at the dinner table and we were trying to get him to say all of our names: Mom, dad, then he stumbled through Sharlee and Chris, then Momo and Popo (which means grandma and grandpa when you're not even two) and then his mom pointed at me.
"DUDE!"
"No," I say to him, pointing to myself, "I'm Uncle Jason."
He shakes his head at me, "Dude!"
And thus I have been known as Dude ever since. I didn't mean for him to associate the word with me when I first taught it to him, but it stuck, and now I'm Uncle Dude, and it isn't likely to change. When he would visit my parents and I was away at school he would open the door to the basement and yell "Dude!" to see if I was there.
It's not going to go away, either. Now everybody in the family refers to me as Uncle Dude around my nephews, so it's likely to carry on through all of my future nieces and nephews. Schyler has just recently figured out that I have a different name when somebody asked him "Who's Jason?" and he answered correctly for the first time "Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuude!"
I guess being called Uncle Dude is far better than Uncle Lazy Bastard. So I wont complain.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
